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Give children equal responsibilities based on abilities.—Cassie and Mikelle
Russell
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Remember that being a sibling to a brother or sister with special needs is
an ever changing process.—Kitty Porterfield.
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Let kids be kids. Some teasing and fighting is part of a healthy family. — Vida
Arnparo Ferlow
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Don’t put your head in the sand. You will not live forever. Things will
not magically fall into place for your child after you are gone when no planning
has taken place. Plans must be made. The sooner you start, the better.—Susan
Duvall
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Treat each child as a special child whether or not they have a disability.
All children need to be recognized as a special person.—Linda Haley
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Update your plans for the future as your children grow or as circumstances
change. — Susan Duvall.
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Treat each child as a special person. Regardless of their abilities, each child
needs to be recognized. — Linda Haley
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Just keep trying. Your children will feel your efforts and find them very comforting.—Kitty
Porterfield.
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Take care of yourself. Sometimes this is hard, but it is very important.—Susan
Duvall
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Talk about how you’re feeling. Find an adult or another sibling to talk
to, write to, or send e-mail to. You are not alone!—Cassie and Mikelle
Russell
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Let your parents know when you need extra attention.—Cassie and Mikelle
Russell
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Remember, you have a right to your own friends, interests, and to pursue your
own goals just like any other brother or sister would.—Jim Botta
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If you are feeling neglected because your parents are spending a lot of time
with your brother or sister with a disability, make a list. First, list the
things you get to do that he or she can not. Second, list the special things
your parents do with or for you. Then ask yourself: do you really want to be
treated exactly the same as your sibling or the way they already treat you?—Lisa
Donohue (age 11)
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Encourage your parents to make plans for your sibling and to include you in
the process.—Susan Duvall
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Do not force siblings to help with your child with special needs. It needs
to be a choice.
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Talk with your children about what is happening with their sibling in a way
they can understand. Be open and honest.
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Allow and encourage siblings to express their feelings. Feelings of hate, jealousy,
resentment and even depression are not uncommon for siblings.
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Help each child, with or without a disability, explore and cultivate their
own interests, outlets, and hobbies.
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Invite siblings to be involved in the decision-making process, including family
decisions, IEP/IFSP meetings, medical concerns, and so on.
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Reinforce positive behavior, advocacy, and compassion. Surround yourself with
people who are positive. Encourage your children to do that too. Attitudes
make a difference.
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Celebrate each child’s accomplishments.
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Keep the challenges of parenting in perspective and try not to let them “swallow
up” you or the siblings too.
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When you talk about plans, procedures or a new diagnosis, have children repeat
what they are hearing to you. Reflective listening and repeating what is understood
is a helpful tool.
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Try to read your children’s cues when they need extra attention. This
may happen during stressful times when you, yourself need extra attention.
Tell your children without special needs to let you know in a positive way,
when they are feeling that they are not getting enough attention. When we were
involved in a due process hearing, I told my children, “We are going
to be very busy. I really need you to let me know when you’re feeling
you’re not getting the attention that you need. Look me in the eyes and
tell me!” It worked. Or perhaps you could develop a cue to indicate this.
Reprinted with permission from the Disability Solutions website at http://www.disabilitysolutions.org.